IS IT... CANCER?!?

Until today, I had not seen a doctor in over three years. I suppose that’s a good thing; I haven’t had any urgent medical needs in that time. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m all that well. I’m 50 pounds overweight. I get winded easily. I’m in my 40’s. Most significantly, I have lots of skin problems.

 I have both sobhoerric dermatitis and psoriasis. In fact, my psoriasis, for the last 15 years or so, has been somewhat of a bellweather for me as it pertains to my personal wellbeing. See, although psoriasis is a mysterious disease with no definitive cause and no real cure, it is generally accepted by the medical community that mental conditions like stress can aggrevate the symptoms of the disease. When you’re not right in your head, you’re not right on your skin. 

Multiple examples of this exist in my own personal history. For example, when I left my ex-wife, my psoriasis got a lot better. My legs and arms which had been covered in plaque psoriasis miraculously got a lot better when I divorced myself, literally, from a stressful situation. Ten years ago, I was able to justify a prescription for medical marijuana because it eased my stress, and therefore, my psoriasis. I don’t smoke pot any more, and I don‘t think that makes me any more stressed out. In fact, I think that weed is a temporary fix for anxiety, but as it demotivates and suppresses DOING things in life, I think it ultimately leads to conditions that INCREASE stress. 

In the last year or so, my psoriasis has gotten a lot worse. Here is my skin telling me what my conscious mind tries hard to deny: something ain’t quite right in my life. As for what that is, I’ll deal with in future blogging; this blog is a rant about doctors.  

I HAVE AN ANGRY MOLE (I NEED TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE ALLCAPS. MY “SHIFT” BUTTON IS HAS JUST NOW STUCK ON MY KEYBOARD, AND I CAN’T GET IT UNSTUCK). IT’S A MOLE I’VE HAD MY WHOLE LIFE, AND IT WAS JUST AN ORDINARY MOLE ON MY TEMPLE. ABOUT A YEAR AGO, IT STARTED GROWING. UNFORTUNATELY, IT’S RIGHT IN A SPOT WHERE IT IS PRONE TO GETTING HIT BY MY EYEGLASSES WHEN I PUT THEM ON. IN THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS, THIS MOLE HAS EXPLODED AND BECOME A REAL NASTY PROBLEM. WHAT WAS JUST AN ORDINARY MOLE IS NOW 3/4TH’S OF AN INCH IN DIAMETER AND 3/8TH’S OF AN INCH DEEP. I LOOKED ON WEBMD FOR PICTURES OF SKIN CANCER AND MY ANGRY MOLE LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE THE PICTURES THEY SHOW THERE! OMFG!! I HAVE SKIN CANCER!!! GOTTA GO TO A DOCTOR!!!! 

 SO TODAY I WENT. $45 CO-PAY JUST TO TALK TO A DOCTOR. WTF? FORTY FIVE BUCKS MAY NOT BE A LOT AS COMPARED TO THE VALUE OF MY LIFE, BUT HOW SHITTY INSURANCE IS THESE DAYS AS COMPARED TO WHAT IT WAS IN DECADES PAST IS PARY OF WHY I HAVE NOT SEEN A DOCTOR IN 3 YEARS. THINGS ARE REALLY TIGHT IN JOKOLONDOLAND THESE DAYS, AND $45 IS A WEEK’S WORTH OF GROCERIES. I SPEND THIS MONEY, AND I DON’T EVEN GET A DOCTOR. INSTEAD, I AM SEEN BY A LICENSED NURSE PRACTITIONER. OKAY, I’M SURE LNP’S ARE CAPABLE OF DEALING WITH ALL KINDS OF THINGS, BUT WHEN I’M WORRYING ABOUT THE “BIG C”, THAT’S DIFFERENT. 

 AS IT TURNS OUT, ALL MY $45 COPAY BOUGHT ME TODAY WAS A SLIP OF PAPER TO TALK TO A DERMATOLOGIST. DAMMIT, I COULDA SAID THAT FROM THE BEGINNING! I AM MISTER NASTY SKIN! I DID NOT NEED A REFERRAL TO SEE A SPECIALIST! `

I DID, AT LEAST, GET SOME CONSOLATION. MY LNP WAS VERY FORTHRIGHT IN EXPLAINING THAT ANY MOLE-RELATED PROBLEMS ON THE FACE AUTOMATICALLY GET REFERRED TO A DERMATOLOGIST DUE TO THE RISK OF SCARRING, SHE DID AT LEAST TELL ME THIS AFTER EXAMINING MY ANGRY MOLE: 

 “THERE’S NOTHING THERE THAT SCREAMS OUT MALIGNANT SKIN CANCER” 

WHHHEW… THAT’S SOMETHING AT LEAST. 

 I’LL UPDATE YOU FURTHER NEXT WEEK WHEN I SEE THE DERMATOLOGIST AND FIGURE OUT IF I CAN GET MY KEYBOARD OFF CAPSLOCK.