And Now, A Word From Our Sponsors

TV commercials have inspired me to cover songs on my ukulele. TV commercials they make me wonder. Really bad ones make me wonder who let these things onto the tube. Really good ones can make me cry.

I’m an observer and critic of TV commercials. Perhaps it’s because of my combination of a creative spirit with a natural ability to sell stuff that I always thought I could have been a Madison Avenue guy, and therefore am just a frustrated ad man.

Let’s take a look at three ads that caught my eye in the last week.

First, from the weekend, a short term TV ad from Burger King advertising a weekend-only promotion of Chicken Wraps for $1 each. First off, I’ll admit, this ad accomplished it’s primary purpose: if I had not seen this ad late, after dinner, on a Sunday night, I would have run right out to Burger King and bought a Chicken Wrap.. But not for the reasons the admakers might have thought… or… sinisterly, maybe they did.

Do you think I’m talking about the recent controversy involving Mary J Blige as a black woman selling chicken? No…

THE AD CLAIMS THE CHICKEN WRAP CONTAINS SEVEN KINDS OF LETTUCE! Okay..Wait… SEVEN KINDS OF LETTUCE?!?

I didn’t even know there were SEVEN kinds of lettuce!! Lemmethink.. Iceburg, romaine, leaf, red leaf, butter, umm… umm… that’s five… Arugula? Chard? SEVEN KINDS OF FREEKIN LETTUCE?!?! Okay, maybe there are seven different kinds of lettuce, but how could you fit all seven in a single, small, chicken wrap? One leaf of each kind? `

DANGIT!! I HAVE SEARCHED THE INTERNET AND THE AD IS NOT TO BE FOUND… Believe me. I saw it.

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Next, from the inappropriate combinations of children and hardcore drug references, this ad for a the Honda Pilot featuring a classic Ozzy Ozbourne song.

Once again, great ad. Very well done. It makes the “crossover” seem cool and long road trips with children seem exciting. Well, the vehicle needs it. The “crossover” is a 21st Century term for what we used to call a Station Wagon.

Here’s my problem. The song “Crazy Train” is all about cocaine addiction. Going after rails… umm.. Yeah… “rails” are lines of coke. That drug does make you crazy. Believe me. I remember. That doesn’t make it a bad song; just not one you should be singing with kids in your freekin station wagon!!!

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Lastly, again, perhaps this has something to do with my past history of substance abuse, but there is a particular line in this “Miller 64” commercial that makes me want to point out one thing… The selling line is “Beer with less regret”

“Less regret” means it still has some regret inherent in the very product!! Why should we be buying something that admits it comes with REGRET?!?

What’s next? Whiskey with less chance of you abusing your spouse? Slightly less liver-destroying vodka?